In a slugfest, reminiscent of the great Ali-Frazier battles of yesteryear, Team Kapalua “eked” out a narrow 5 point win over Team Snooter after two grueling days of Ryder Cup Competition at the “Snoot 08 Atlanta” Father’s Day Extravaganza held on June 20 – 22.
However, after day one at Cherokee, the eventual Team Kapalua victory was in doubt for two main reasons. Number one, one of Team Snooter’s players, Kellen Oldham withdrew and was replaced by Tough Tommy Crozier (a 25 replaced by a 15) who promptly shot 81, and number two, one wonders how everyone got back to the hotel after dinner at Morton’s (luckily, The Ritz was right across the street).
That first night at Morton’s with true stories, made up lies, and drinks a-flowin amongst the four-pound porterhouse steaks and heavenly baked, potatoes, the fact that most of Team Kapalua’s players were younger golfers could have been a detriment. Joe Bob, Jr., Mudman, Jr., the Cohen Boys (how about their latest flick? Old Country for Old Fuckers), and little Joey Cappy were all under 25 years old (and all a lot inebriated). But like Mussolini’s Italian Storm Troopers, they rebounded on day two.
Team Snooter was riding high due to great golf played on Friday by Tough Tommy Crozier, Jake “The Snake” Nellis, his Dad “two birdies” Bill, his father-in-law Johnny Boy Blackmon, and his stepdad, Snoot and sons Alan, Brian, nephew Bill (“I can hook it, or shank it; you call it”) McNulty, son-in-law Jeff Hayden (who immediately signed up for 16 lessons from scratch golfer and forecaddie Paul/Peter Rhee) (together from this point on – except Gary/Mike
Rhee – referred to as “the related Snootees”), suddenly unraveled like crackheads at a Billy Graham crusade. I guess they foolishly expected to continue to advance the ball down the fairway in a linear path. Brian McNulty played like the poster child for Ray-Ray Golf (one hole you play like Ray Floyd and the next, you play like Ray Charles). But he contributed well on Saturday’s round with a tingling 101. The Sam Duffer foursome was boosted by Glenn Insley and his son MarshaII. They were not taking this writer’s interviews post-round, but word did make it to Tampa that Marshall asked Duffer for his daughter’s hand in marriage sometime over the weekend. Just think they get to add 21 more to the wedding party, all expenses paid!! I mean hell I’d certainly do that.
Team Kapalua, meanwhile, shaking off cobwebs of too much drink and too little sleep and especially backed by the play of the A-team (Adam and Alex Cohen, the One-Eyed Duke and Muddog Mudano who all shot in the 70s), rallied the maddening and excited crowd of wanna-be golfers of Atlanta who knew this competition was a must-see. Equally surprising was the play of Joe Bob, Sr., and Jr., Joey and Ryan Cappy, Little Stevie Sideburns, Mudman, Jr., and Kapalua (80). They should all be applauded for helping the Italian cause at Bear’s Best.
When all the scores were counted and all the whining finished (whining, by the way, is one of the rock-solid foundations of golf), Team Kapalua had snatched victory from the jaws of defeat by the narrowest of margins. Kapalua in his post-game interview at Pried’s Italian Restaurant in Buckhead was as gracious as ever as he pointed toward the McNulty Klan who were stewing in their drinks in disbelief and shouted “Youse guys played like crap!” Snooter was even more diplomatic as he fired back, “Fuck you, we ain’t paying!”
When all was said and done, it was a tourney like no others (actually, it was a lot like every WDI tournament) and one that should and could be played on an annual basis for years to come. New friends and relationships were made. Old friendships were renewed, and the father-son bonding was penultimate.
See you next year at a location to be determined.
Rick Reilly
P.S. Joe Bob, as of this writing, has still not returned to Tampa since his driving was a little suspect. Let’s just say he made the wrong turn at a One-Dollar Café in Atlanta and hasn’t been seen since.