It’s been decades since Sherman burned down Atlanta on a golfing bet between him and Robert E. Lee. (Sherman lost when “Robby” Lee birdied 18 to beat him by a stroke at a very young but gorgeous Cherokee Country Club.) While Sherman took an anger management course later that year, it didn’t help Atlanta.

Now, 143 years later, another battle for Atlanta is unfolding between two formidable armies (teams). Team Snooter (Blue) and Team Kapalua (Gray). In Ryder-Cup fashion: two 12-man teams will tee it up at Cherokee (site of that infamous WDI golf outing years ago) on Friday, June 20, 2008 before an expected sellout crowd and national TV. The following day Bear’s Best in North Atlanta will be host site, 30 miles from what is certain to be a recovering Cherokee staff and whatever female cart-cracks may be on the grounds for Friday’s opening round.

Minutes after the pairings were announced on ESPN by tournament director Snoot Doggy Dog, barbs, catcalls, and bravado remarks were sailing through the Internet. Small groups of muscled, dark-skinned Sicilians began streaming out of Atlanta’s Badda-Bing Club heading straight to Cherokee Country Club where they will apply for security for the tournament, much to the dismay of Team Snooter. “I don’t see why these Greasers are more qualified than the Blackwater Scots,” snarled Brian McNulty. “Plus, they’ll eat all the sausages and burp on our backswings.” Badda-bing.

A quick look at Team Kapalua contestants raises serious eyebrows. There is MadDog Mudano and son, from the Genovese family, Pistol Whipping Joe Bob Pesce and Son, from the Luciano family, Angie “The Lip” Cohen and sons, personal confidants of the Hyman Roth family (I hope you saw Godfather IT), Giorgio “Hitman” Capizzi and Sons from the infamous Tampa Trafficante family, and the One-Eyed Duke with adopted son, Little Stevie Sideburns, former bodyguards of the Lasagna Crime Syndicate, et al. Talk about greaseballs; they have more slick in their hair than the Exxon-Valdez oil spill in March of ‘89. Badda-bang.

But, Team Snooter isn’t made up of angels and cream puffs either. True the McNulty Clan make up the bulk of that Scottish- tartaned team, such as Bad Boy Brian McNulty, Anxious Allen McNulty, Jake “The Snake” Nellis, but there are other mommalukes as well, such as The Duffster, the Irksome Insley Clan, the Nasty Nellis’s, Johnny Boy Blackmon, and Kellen “Winslow” Oldham (son of great guy, father and friend, the late Ray Bob Oldham). It’s been rumored of-late that Kellen may be a no-show due to his job, but due to the long wait-list of prospective contestants, it appears the field will definitely be full at 24 players.

The magnitude of this event is not lost on one of Kapalua’s top teammates Captain MadDog Mudano, a veritable low-handicap hacker. “We can’t allow these Scot/Irish Mofos to come into our house and beat us.” Of course, Captain Mudano is reminded that Cherokee Country Club is not our house; it’s in Georgia. Let’s just say he got carried away in this mini drama. Whatever the result, the “Battle for Atlanta” proves to be a good one.

It appears that Buckhead security too has been beefed up for the upcoming onslaught sure to be dealt on the Cherokee and Bear’s Best courses by this fine group of golfers (well, some of them are fine; others – well whatever). Morton’s has had to rope off the upstairs “Board Room” to keep the paparazzi in check after the first round on Friday , and the SNOOT Italian contingent swears that the closing dinner hooliganism can be deftly managed by the group’s own in-shape ruffians.

Team Snoot and Team Kapalua were asked to give a short statement pre-tourney. George Cappy (a/k/a Kapalua) commented, “Boys will be boys, but our boys are all cultured Christian gentlemen, and there is no doubt our antics will generate much laughter and excitement as we work hard to beat those Irish bastards, but it will be done in a gentlemanly manner”. Snooter replied, “What a miserable bunch of unformidable opponents; their captain is supposed to be a leader, and he sounds off like we’re a bunch of schmucks. All I can say to those chaps, in the succinct words of our WDI counterpart Broken Neck: “GIRD YOUR LOINS”. “