KAPALUA AND BOYNIE BATTLE TO A TIE WHILE 4TH ROUND LEADER

NECK ABDICATES DUE TO THREAT

 by Wick E. Wiley, ESPN Sports Editor

 

     “MY KIND OF TOWN CHICAGO IS, MY KIND OF TOWN”……..When from a side alley, boomed a deep resonated voice, “Hey u fuck, shut up!”

Apparently, either the sweet-singing and slightly intoxicated Snootdog didn’t hear the dark, complected dude OR MAYBE, he didn’t give a damn….because he cleared his throat and started singing…ON STATE STREET, THAT GREAT STREET, THIS WONDERFUL TOWN. All of a sudden, Snoot was flying through the air (with the greatest of ease ) into the middle of Clyborne Ave. Luckily, it was late and there were no cars/buses or else there would have been a flattened SNOOTCAKE.

    As the stunned WDI contingent looked up, the Eyetalian looking assailant turned, brushed off his hands and sauntered into the misty Chicago night, prompting Joebob to exclaim, “Hey isn’t that Rahm Emmanuel?” A frightened Brian Mele, cucino of Kapalua and dinner guest of the WDI that nite, replied from behind his pretty 57 red Corvette convertible, “I don’t think it was Rahm, he looked more like Al Capone, Luca Brazzi or my Uncle Gene.”  Then he jumped up, got into his car and sped off, yelling “See you suckers…..” and leaving the boys to care for the wounded Snootdog, who, as he was shaking the cobwebs out of his system, wondered out loud, why he just took a swan dive into cement, not water.

     Ok, ok, so the WDI boys had a little too much to drink that Monday nite in Chitown….starting at TIA en route to Midway Airport and then to a WDI pre-tourney kick-off party at Goldy and Lauren’s( Bernie’s daughter and son-in-law ) beautiful, brick town house and then on to a tasty Eyetalian dinner at Fillipos near Lincoln Park.

   Actually, Snooter didn’t have a real good outing that evening, but it started out pretty sweet with a couple Bloody’s in Tampa….a few glasses of wine aboard SW 4567 (Jimmy likes that wine )…2 rounds at the WIT Hotel on State St. upon arrival…then more drinks at the cocktail party and whew, finishing up with more wine and night caps at Fillpos. However, it turned out to be an expensive day, so to speak for him…….let’s see in order, 1. he lost his glasses…2. his dress shoes at dinner and 3. oh yeah ,managed to turn Lauren’s pretty white Broyhill dining chairs into a white motif with red stains. Hell, maybe it was Andy’s fault for serving shrimp with red cocktail sauce??????

    At any rate, after Monday nite, the week got off to a roaring start on Tuesday at Olympia Fields, site of many US Opens; then Medinah, Queen of Chicago courses, Kemper Lakes, Beverly and finally Harborside. The tourney featured 5 past WDI champs: Snooter, Duke, Neck, Boynie and that sweet-swinging, good-looking PR Hawaiian….perennial 2d place finisher JoeBabbo, Andy Goldman( Goldy ) and I Like Ike ( 2013s MVK….Most Valuable Korean ) Goldy and Ike had done a remarkable job of setting up these courses and aligning them with top Chitown restaurants as well.

   The small-mouthed bass, Neck had vaulted out of the gate, like a 60 year old (he’s got to be 80,81????) leading the tourney after DAY 1 at rainy Olympia Fields. Actually, the small Clam/Neck lead after EACH round, eventually leading 2d place pud, Boynie by 3 going into Saturday’s final round. But, something happened on the “way to the Forum.” It seems, the Neck left Chicago in the dead of night on Friday evening and headed back to Frankenmuth, Michigan after a visit from Vinny and Bruno, a couple of Kapalua’s and Brian Mele’s cousins from the South side. Strange, all they wanted to do was to take Neck on a’ nice fishing trip’, a la Godfather 2 (that’s when Freddo got whacked in a boat while fishing). Sooo, it was a WD from the WDI and some hard feelings! FORGETABOUTIT!!

    Back to golf………Majestic Medinah on DAY 2, with it’s looming Masonic architecture proved to be a memorable experience, with the exception of the Snootdog. While everyone had a tough outing, Snoot had the most difficult of all, since his shoulder and knee was still scratched up and sore from the Clyborne dive/belly flop. With it’s lush tree-lined fairways and fast manicured greens, it lived up to it’s reputation as a Top 100 course.

    Kemper Lakes, founded in 1979 and host of the 89 PGA won by Payne Stewart and Beverly CC, designed by Donald Ross in 1908 (and the host of several US Opens and Amateur events back in the day ) only added to the lore of Chicago’s great layouts. But the boys were getting a little battle-fatigued from the hour and a half commutes to and from the courses. Chicago traffic is horrendous, but dining at spots like Volare, Publican and Chicago Cut Steakhouse helped sway the momentum from tiredness to inebriation.

    FINALLY on DAY 5, there was a sense of finished business. With the Neck WDing, that left Boynie, an ebbing athlete with questionable golfing skills, as the leader in the clubhouse at -13; followed by a hard-charging, but, sweet-swinging Kapalua at -14; I Like Ike  -19 and a lurking and dangerous Joebabbo at -20. The also-ran schmoo , other 4-some, featured the still dazed Snoot -23, the under achieving Duke of Nowhere at -21, a faltering Goldy at 24 and fill-in, Chitown friend Ross Ettin.

    Harborside on Saturday, was the site of the final round. A links course, unlike the others, it reminded you of Streamsong or Arcadia Bluffs. Wide open, but rough strewn, the Port Course there yielded the best scores of the week. The Champion’s Tour had played there in 2002( SBC Open ) causing Ben Crenshaw to call it “America’s Muirfield.”

    Perhaps by chance, but maybe by pedigree, Kapalua and Boynie both had ties to the Windy City. Kap was born there before his family moved to Puerto Rico by way of Hawaii and Boynie’s son in law and daughter lived there. They both battled the strong winds and Kap’s bad gas to a standstill when they each bogeyed 17 and 18 to tie for the Championship. It was Kap’s record 5th WDI Trophy tieing the WDI Hall of Fame wannabe, little Stevie Boltster and Boynie’s 1st win since Torrey Pines in ’07. Boynie had remarkably played 28 Majors in that time span from 07 to 2014, missing the cut in 27 of them.

     The Comeback Kids, Duke (76) and Joebob(86) finished close behind their behinds in a tie for 2d place by ONE stroke. It was the Duke’s first and only round in the 70s, ” Ok Ok so I was a little rusty, but you all better be prepared for Ireland in August”, snapped a sapped Duke. Indeed, the Windy City Open had lived up to it’s reputation as one of the great venues of superior golf to any tour….PGA, LPGA or WDI. Added to Chicago’s great eateries, it was one of the best tour stops in recent history. Actually, it seemed like it was the Godfather of all WDI toonamints ( 36).

Sports forever,

 Wick E. Wiley