Say it ain’t so Snoot? For the first time in the past century, the Snoot is not a single digit ‘no mo’. The last time he was a “10” was when Miss Woods, a black lady, sat at a dime store counter in Selma, Ala., circa 1951. When contacted by this reporter for his response, he wept profusely. Then he stood up and exclaimed” I’m winning the Alabama WDI”.

When contacted at his Caribbean resort, Jimmy the ‘Geek’ immediately changed Snoot’s odds to 8-1, “He’s capable of putting up some good scores, because he is a grizzled vet. If he does so early, watch out.”

Some of the WDI Tour’s players offered their comments:

Hyden-Seek—Is Alabama a dry state?

Mudman–If it is, Snoot is in trouble.

Prezkap–If he was a 10 at So. Hills, he coulda won.

Duke–He sucksl

Kapalua–His 2-man partner Boynie said he’s not playing.

Whatever. Here are the Alabama handicaps: Duke–3; Hackster–5; Kapalua–9; Snoot–10; Joebob–12; Fishman–14; Stevie Sideberns–16; Boynie–17

Yours in sports,

Rick Reilly

While the PGA boys were playing in Jacksonville at TPC Sawgrass on the second week in May, a different drama was unfolding on the WDI tour in Birmingham, Alabama. A resurgent Snoot Doggy Dog and grizzled vet, The Duke of Eric, battled to a tie after five grueling rounds at a rain shortened Alabama WDI. Play stopped after 13 holes at the Oxmor Valley Ridge course on the Robert Trent Jones Trail on Sunday with both players tied at +7 (first time WDI has been rained out). However, the last time the WDI ended in a tie was in 2005 when Kapalua and Broneck went toe to toe at Bay Hill in Orlando.

However, it didn’t start that way. Kapalua, one of Jimmy the Geek’s favorite to win the tourney at 6-1 odds, shot 79 at hallowed Shoal Creek with four birdies to take the early first round lead by 6 (at +6) over Snoot (0) and The Duke (-1), but mosquitoes, flesh eating flies, and wine jitters from Cafe du Pont that evening caused Kapalua’s demise. Even though he shot 82 the next day at Old Overton, the field was gaining on him and he would never regain his first day form.

Pity. Stevie No Socks, aka Steve Sideburns and The Duke (72) played like PGA

pros to tie for the second round lead at Old Overton while Kapalua fell to second place. Duke’s even par 72 was the lowest gross total in WDI history besting BroNeck’s 73 at Lake Nona in 2005.

Fish, Boynie, and Joe Bob, meanwhile, started out slowly posting high numbers while the Hackster, Fish’s protege and current TGH ER resident, shot an 82 at Shoal Creek. Hack was low medalist 32 years ago at Shoal Creek at age 30 at the U.S. Amateur but couldn’t play like the Hack of old. As the play continued to venues at Greystone (site of the Champions Tour for many years) and Ross Bridge, the tide (as in Alabama) turned. The Duke and Stevie No Socks continued their sterling play, but it was the imaginative golf course management and gritty short play of Snoot that won the fans of Alabama. Many of the Charade Dollhouse Girls lined the course wearing their trademark red t-backs with “We love the Snoot” pasties.

Spurning drinks, cigars, and late night partying, Snoot parlayed his newfound

energy (boring) to vie for the lead after four rounds. Shooting 38 on the front 9 at Oxmor Ridge on Sunday in round five, one could only imagine what coulda, shoulda, woulda if the last six holes had been played out. Could Boynie, aka Mr. Shanksalot turn his game around in time to contend? Could a red-hot Joe Babbo, Duke’s partner in the two-men cumulative bet continue to make a strong comeback. How about the Hackster making a late run as well. The Fish, however, was out of fuel and flopping around like a fish out of water, ergo; he was of no value for the second straight WDI. And there were two Kapaluas – he was beside himself.

So, as the drama unfolded on Sunday, it was anybody’s ball game. Seven players were within eight points of the lead. After a delicious meal at Highlands Grill on Saturday night in Birmingham and many bottles of tasty Silver Oak Cabernet as well as too many “nice” martinis, the sports media was unsettled as to who they should follow on Day five. Would it be The Duke, “I hit 13 greens, but 3 putted 17 at Shoal Creek. The second day I hit 17 greens but 3 putted 16. Then, the third day… ” blah, blah, blah (boring). Or how about the Snooter? Vying for his first maroon jacket (size 42) since Atlanta ’95 was his usual “What Dat Wa?” Playing to his first ever 10 handicap, he shouted, “Suck on this big hog!” shot after shot much to the delight of his fannies and much to the dismay of his fellow WDI’ers.

Tensions ran high as WDI officials tabulated the rain-shortened scores as the

golfers were quaffing long glasses of champagne while waiting for their private jet back to Tampa. Duke and Joe Bob celebrated as their 2-man team won top honors at plus 15, three points ahead of Snoot and Boynie. And Snoot and Duke, longtime chums off the fairway, but fierce competitors on, had played to a +7 tie. The Duke replied in all his humbleness, “I hit 13 greens but 3 putted 12, etc…”blah, blah, blah (Boring). An exciting (?) finish to a wonderful WDI in Alabama and, perhaps a return trip to the Crimson State and the Robert Trent Jones Trail in the future.

Yours in sports,

Rick Reilly

P.S. Many thanks to Nathan Stewart who made this trip so memorable with play at private courses, Shoal Creek, Old Overton, and Greystone.

P.S.S. Final Scores (w/o Oxmor Valley)

1 Tie   Duke               +7        77-72-74-73

1 Tie   Snoot              +7        83-82-84-78

3          Steve O.         +1        90-84-86-88

4          Boynie            0          95-91-86-93

5          Hack               -1         82-80-78-77

6          Joe Bob         -2         92-91-82-86

7          Kapalua          -4         79-82-83-86

8          Fish                 -13      102-92-91-90

Two Man Team

Duke & Joe Bob       +15

Snoot & Boynie         +12

Hack & Steve O.       +11

Kapalua & Fish         -9