You’ve heard the old saying, “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” Well, finally wearing lavender with a lace sash collar, Boynie cast aside his own personal demons, a wounded but lurking Kapalua and his fellow WDI compatriots enroute to his first WDI Championship. “No threepeat for Kapalua” was his battle cry for five rounds in sunny San Diego, but he did have to battle to get there. He had to battle his nerves, his swing, and his old pal, Morrie, an old school chum who Bernie met when he went to med school in Pittsburgh in 1924. You see, Morrie, a neurologist, by way of the Orient, had no friends, or at least any appreciable friends, until Bernie came to town. He quickly became the 9th WDI player, but as a dinner regular only. This companionship and camaraderie from Morrie (which got a little sickening at times) could have been the catalyst to spur Boynie to victory.

Bernie had started off strong with a birdie on the first hole on the first day at Grand Del Mar in La Jolla, but after a poor showing at Torrey Pines (South), the U.S. Open venue for ’08, he was in second place at -3 trailing the past champ and leader, Kapalua, by only 2. Kapalua’s four birdies after the first two rounds gave him a confident air as he wolfed down a plate of CoquilIes St. Jacque that night at George’s in the Cove in La Jolla. But awakening on day three, Kapalua felt a pit in his stomach and pain in his left shoulder. It seems through unsubstantiated rumors that Bernie and Fish were sitting on Kapalua as he lay in bed, thereby causing his discomfort. At any rate, Kapalua went out on Torrey Pines North and shot 50 – 42 with four triples and dropped out of the lead.

On day three also, Snoot and Broneck were playing better. Snoot’s two rounds of 83 – 83 looked like vintage McNulty in his heyday, right before his devastating 10 – 8 defeat in the North-South Amateur Tournament as a teen by little-known golf phenom, Eddie Pearce. Neck and Fish were flopping along with up and down rounds, and nobody could find Hydenseek. Actually, Hydenseek couldn’t find his game until the last two days when he shot 86 – 81 to finish alone in 2nd place, 15 points behind the 16 handicap, sandbagging, MF, Bernie.

Joe Bob’s golf turmoil was evident again. While starting out with a not-bad 87 and -3 at Grand Del Mar, it appears that Kapalua’s snoring, the three-hour time difference, and one too many lemincelIo’s cost him dearly again, as he shot 96 – 93 – 91 at Torrey Pines and fell out of the running.

The Neck, a sentimental favorite, also ran and now eligible for the Old-Fart Senior WDI Tour made a gallant effort to return to glory. Not only did he shoot two respectable rounds in the 80’s (out of five rounds), he did manage to pull off a remarkable feat – he brought toothpicks, placed them between his eyelids and never fell asleep one time during this trip. However, thinking about it, it could have been a Neck lookalike. Boy, that’s a scary thought.

On the final day at La Costa, the conclusion was anticlimatic. Boynie at -6, Kapalua and Broneck -17, Hydenseek -18, Neck -20, Joe Bob -22, Snoot -24, and Fish -27. The only way for Boynie to lose was for him to sleep in. (Kapalua tried his best to keep his room dark.) But in the end, Boynie’s sparkling 83 on the tournament course at La Costa outdistanced the field. Snoot and Hydenseek’s 81 were the low rounds of the day and pushed Snoot up to a tie for third with Kapalua and Broneck.

As Bernie and the rest of the WDI players were finishing up on the 18th hole, word spread fast that Bernie was the new WDI champ. Expecting to see several hundred of his fans, Bernie only saw the one fan that counted most, Morrie, who was draped in a white, Philippino linen suit, waiting for him with a cold iced tea at the 18th hole.

The compelling questions we have to ask for this WDI is what part did Morrie play in Boynie’s championship? Two, did he provide Bernie with any illegal steroids or any other performance enhancing drugs that made Bernie play so well? Three, how did he manage to impute his Rasputin-like power over Boynie? These questions will be lingering on WDI lips for many years to come, but suffice it to say, that at the next WDI, Morrie will be someone else’s friend. He could be mine.

See you in ’08 at a forum not yet selected.

Yours truly,

Rick Reilly

Final round standings:

1          Boynie            +1

2          Hydenseek     -14

3 Tie   Kapalua          -17

3 Tie   Snoot              -17

3 Tie   Broneck          -17

6          Neck               -18

7          Fish                 -25

8          Joe Bob         -29 (ouch)