How often do you shoot 97 on the final day of the year’s first major and still win the WDI? By playing the first three days at +7 and carrying a 10 point advantage into the final round on a cold, rainy, blustery day!
“The only way to upset Dennis “the Menace” was to go low on this type of day on a hard course with miserable conditions, and we couldn’t pull it off,” snapped a sapped Duke who managed only an 82 and a fourth place finish.
Rumors were flying that Little Petey forged a conspiracy after day One with his
Italian buddies, Kapalua, Joe Bob and Mudano to either break “The Menace’s” knee caps or steal his 7 iron. “Those fucking wops are as useless as tits on a wart hog,” wailed Little Petey. “I offered them free orthodontic work for one year and sausage and pepper sandwiches for a week, and they rejected my offer. Now, I’ve gotta listen to Denise’s crap every Saturday morning for the next year.”
Actually, low scores were posted by a slew of players on Thursday at Q-school venue, Panther Lake (Pete 76, Broneck 78, Snoot 81, Duke 82, Joe Bob and Mudman 83). By Friday, Denise, who trailed Little Petey by 4, took over the lead for good with a sizzling second round 84 at Crooked Cat, to lead by 2. Meanwhile, three-time champ and two-time ’08 winner, the Blackened Red-faced Fish was flopping around like a fish out of water shooting 103-95 at Reunion to miss the cut and finish last. He gained notoriety going from last to first in England in ‘04 and then gained more notoriety by going from first to worst in his last two tourneys. The Neck, vying for “comeback player of the millennium” with The Duke, however, saw his fortunes sag, as he shot 90 on day four to finish sixth. The Neck had played the first three days like a 30-year-old rookie shooting respectable scores in the 80s, flirting with good-looking toots and staying up till 10:30 p.m.
One of the highlights of the tourney was the first day competition between villas.
Buoyed by strong play by Little Petey and Denise, the Mongrel “Melting Pot” Villa narrowly beat the Germanic Villa by 3 points and the Italian Villa by 11. That prompted Neck, Broneck, Newman, and Snoot to get up even earlier at 3:00 AM daily to jumpstart their day, but even that didn’t work.
The other highlight was the cumulative two-man bet. Pete and Joe Bob blasted out of the gate with the lead after day one at +10, 10 points ahead of Broneck and Boynie and 11 ahead of Denise and Kapalua but folded like a cheap suit at the Men’s Wearhouse to finish 3rd. The all Sicilian team of Denise and Kapalua took the lead at +9 after round two with an 84-81 combined score and held it until the end of the tournament to finish at -10 and win the $1,000.00 pot, 14 points ahead of second place puds, Duke and Neck.
On the evening before the final round, as The Menace was lurking over this three ounce filet and third iced tea, the boys were needling him about “trouble sleeping on the lead.” Apparently, the ruse backfired. Because of the noise at Forte Grill on Saturday night and Denise’s hearing and age, the infamous ENT doctor told this reporter that what he heard was, you’re going to have trouble sleeping in the bed, which, chuckling to himself, he thought, “Hell, I do that every night.”
In one last swipe at Jimmy the Greek who shockingly gave him 95 – 1 odds of winning, the Menace hoisted the WDI aluminum trophy overhead before an overflow crowd of 13 and ESPN cameras and shouted, “What goes around comes around, Geek; at the end of the day, it is what it is.” Whatever that means.
Here are the final scores:
1 Denise 88,84,90,97
Tie for second:
2 Kapalua 85,81,88,87 -8
2 Boynie 91,89,95,92 -8
4 Duke 82, 72, 79, 82 -10
5 Snoot 81,82,87,87 -12
6 The Neck 87,84,87,90 -14
Tie for seventh:
7 Joe Bob 83, 89, 94, 94 -15
7 Little Petey 76,80,87,92 -15
9 Mudman 83,83,87,85 -16
Tie for tenth:
10 Broneck 78,82,86,94 -19
10 Newman 90,86,103,95 -19
12 Fish 91,96,101,100 -31
Cumulative two-man bet:
1 Kapalua & Denise -10
2 Duke &Neck -24
3 Broneck & Boynie -27
4 Pete & Joe Bob -30
5 Snoot & Newman -31
6 Fish & Mudano -44
There you are, folks, the final tabulations of a great start to the ’09 season.