The mammoth, silver-haired crowds were stampeding behind the ropes, hoping for a chance to see the tall, hairless wonder as he strode down the 18th fairway en route to his second WDI Major win. “The Fish” a.k.a. The Peruvian Sea Bass, who won in England way back in ’04, saw this win as redemption-that he could do it again after a winless drought of almost 784 consecutive tournaments in between. How he got to the lead on 18 proved interesting.
Due to increased pressure from the media, fans, and ESPN, the field was enlarged from 8 to 12 for this tournament. The venue was two rounds at Q-School courses: Panther Lake and Crooked Cat and two rounds at famous Bay Hill. Rookies like Lil Petey, Denise, Duffey and The Whaler were added to a star studded field that included the aging Neck, Bro-Neck, and perennial fan favorite and four-time champ Kapalua. Last year’s Rookie, Runner-up of the Year, Joe
Babbo (from Northwest Sicily) was having a great Spring, as was Hit-man Mudano (from Southeast Sicily) and Snoot- Dog. However, the past winner at Torrey Pines in August of ’07 and hoping to repeat, Boynie, encountered significant elbow problems en route to his second title. Bruised and broken but not beaten and playing without Morrie’s support, he courageously played his heart out but still finished last. “only” 44 points behind Fish.
But Boynie was involved in one of the best matches of the weekend with partner, Kapalua, at Bay Hill. You remember Kap, winner of the WDI at Pinehurst in April ’07, but fading fast, who unfortunately fell victim to one of the Neck brothers, – “stiff neck.” They were up against the tough low handicappers, Snoot (-7) and Hit-man Mudano (-7). Medical MASH units were lurking most of the day behind Kapalua and Boynie, luckily, out of their view. It was a clash of opposites and their upset victory was synonymous to the Giants win against the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLLX. Spectators were left gasping for breath as the four golfers battled it out in a seesaw match until they came to the 18th hole. Snoot-Dog, trying to emulate Roberto Gamez or Tin Cup’s Kevin Costner, knocked two in the drink dashing their hopes.
Back to the story, Fish had maintained a slight 1 point lead over Kapalua, BroNeck, The Whaler, and Joe Babbo on Thursday despite the seven birdies put up on the board by partners, Kapalua and BroNeck. After day two, he and BroNeck were tied for the lead at +1 at Crooked Cat due to BroNeck’s sparkling 79. But the Fish faltered on Saturday with a 91 at Bay Hill to fall into second place, three points behind 3rd round leader, the gritty, ex-champ Kapalua (-5).
Fish blamed his poor showing on one too many bottles of Cakebread wine at
Christini’s Italian Ristorante the night before.
However, on Sunday, not only were the final foursome of Kapalua (-5), Fish (-8), The Whaler (-9), and Joe Babbo (-10) all within reach of the coveted Pewter Cup but a great round from BroNeck, Mudman, Neck or Lil Petey could vault them also to victory. Snooter and Duffey had boycotted Thursday’s round due to lack of sponsors, perks, and respect and were promptly DQ’d, thus, making them ineligible for the Championship. On Sunday, for Fish, time had come to well, “Fish” or “Cutbait.” Whether it was divine intervention (Fish’s shots would strike rocks, bleachers, etc., and rebound onto the green for easy birdie putts); or a tough course – Joe Babbo (94), The Whaler (96), and Kapalua (92) had miserable back 9’s due to rotten lies, long rough, etc. The Pescado played like a
flambeaud Pompano shooting a sizzling 83 (+6) and finishing first at -2. On the verge of tears, Boynie, his roommate, was very proud of Fish’s achievements and blurted out for everyone to hear, “I sleep with the Fish,” much to the annoyance of several dark-skinned Sicilians who were standing nervously nearby and looking to arrange just that for Boynie.
Lil Petey, unable to locate his “you know what” finally found his game and jumped into second place at -9 while stiff-necked Kapalua limped in at third at -10 and the stout, short, aging Kraut, the Neck, who was constantly harassed by a group of anti-short, German people leapt up to fourth place at 14, his best finish in 14 years.
The first of the ’08 Majors now over, the WDI heads out west to Oklahoma and venerable Southern Hills, host of its 8th Major Tournament (1958, ’77, and ’01 US
Open; 1970, ’82, ’94 and ’07 PGAs) the 25th WDI Invitational. Kapalua’s older and less handsome brother, Jose, or Prez Kap, also by way of Puerto Rico and Sicily will host and play in the Silver Anniversary Tournament accompanied by two other Southern Hills members, making this tournament one to remember.
See you then,
Rick Reilly
FINAL STANDINGS
1 Fish -2
2 Lil Petey -9
3 Kapalua -10
4 Neck -14
5 The Whaler -15
6 BroNeck -17
7 (tie) Joe Babbo -20
7 (tie) Mudman -20
9 Denise -27
10 Boynie -46
After three rounds:
11 Snoot-Dog -9
12 The Duffer -25